No Cancer

This is a thyroid ultrasound image. It is not mine. But it is like mine. I had my thryoid ultrasounded today: well what is left of my thryoid. I had cancer in my left thyroid in 2000 and it was surgically removed. Though it is the best type of cancer to get supposedly, it is still a pretty significant operation, coming in at 4 hours and a neck held together with metal clips for 10 days thereafter. I don't want to go through it again, and I don't really want to take pills everyday if the right one has to go as well.

When I returned to the UK, I was told that best practice now is to remove the entire thyroid, and I was advised to have the operation. If there is no thyroid at all, it is easier to detect any abnormal levels of thyroxine as the pills taken provide a regular measurable reading. Detection is harder when half the thyroid remains as the bodies production of thyroxine is not as regular as the dosage in pills and therefore harder to know if the cancer has returned.  So it is chiefly a detection (of cancer returning) issue rather than a likelihood of it returning. That's what I have understood anyway.

I didn't want the operation, and after a few sometimes testy meetings with consultant doctors, it was agreed that I would continue to have regular ie annual ultrasounds to see if there was any abnormalities. Thankfully this time there are not. There are no flecks, odd dots or anything sinister. Phew.

Losing My Duffle Bag

I left my AT&T duffle bag on the train today. It seriously annoys me doing that. It only contained my swimming gear, a towel and a sponge bag (full) which is not too much hassle nor too expensive to replace. It is the fact that I left it.

Of course First Capital Connect are totally useless and there is no way that their lost property central office can call the station where the train terminates (even though I rang in to report the loss before the train would have terminated), so I doubt whether I will ever see my AT&T duffle bag again.

And that is a shame. Not only is that duffle bag very practical - it folds up better than a backpack, I don't carry the stress on my right shoulder as I can sling it over my neck to carry it and it is a good size for things like swimming stuff - but I am very attached to it. Patricia Woodward gave it to me early in my time in the US when I was working on the AT&T account.

And more than that. Duffle bags, as far as I define them in that classic cylindrical shape with a drawstring at the top and one strap way, are an endangered species. For me to lose it is a poor show, but for First Capital Connect not to manage to return it to me is even worse. I only wish I had a picture of it.

A Couple Of Interesting Things

Whilst having the tour of Shakespeare's birthday place last week, I learnt a couple of interesting tid-bits. Firstly, the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" comes from the days when the mattress for a bed was laid on top of a rope that was woven into the frame of the bed. The nearest analogy I can think of is how a tennis racquet is strung. When the rope got loose, it needed to be tightened using a neat little tightening tool. The expectation was that with a 'tighter' bed to put the mattress on, the better the occupant would sleep.

People also used to sleep sitting upright, or at least propped up, as they believed that the devil might come and take you if you slept lining horizontally. The only time humans laid out horizontally was when they were dead and if you slept in that position, it was thought that the devil may come and take you away. So if you see a much shorter bed dating back a few hundred years, it wasn't just that people were shorter, it was as much about concern about the devil.

Little boys were dressed up as little girls because the infant mortality rate amongst boys was higher than girls. People believed that by dressing little boys up in dresses and the like, the devil would not be able to spot them as boys and therefore not 'take them'.

Fascinating. Also shows the power of collective beliefs.

Clouds Over Holkham Beach July 2009

Direct Action

I really don't like First Captial Connect. Many people don't. Here is someone who clearly doesn't. Yesterday they were queues outside the station as people waited for the service to be resumed after a problem with the overhead cable. Today, it was a cracked line at Farringdon. So I turned around, went home, and tried again an hour later. I got on a train and the journey seemed to be going smoothly until we stopped outside St. Pancras. The driver told us we would have to back up to the last station as St. Pancras had too many trains in it. Great! I was going to be late for work, two hours late, for the second day running. I was annoyed. Whilst in the train, I found, and called, the complaints line for First Capital Connect (at least they have one) and got through to a very pleasant chap. I told him he was very nice but I hoped he was able to move job very soon as it was a dreadful company. I also told him the service was a shambles and then asked my fellow passengers to shout "shambles" into the phone. It was a little hit and miss; some people shouted quite forecfully, others looked on quizzically. But he got the message, and it cheered the passengers up a little, at least those who understood what I was doing. Next time I will orchestrate it better by informing my fellow passengers what I am planning to do, then get a much heartier and full response.

Cool boy summer shorts

Judging at the IPA

I had the honour a few weeks of being one of the industry judges at the 2010 IPA Effectiveness Awards. These awards have the reputation of being the most rigourous and difficult in the marketing and communications world. It is worth taking a further look, here. They are only held every two years as it is felt it would be too ardous on potential entrants to have them every year. 'Even' years are open to agencies, media owners and clients worldwide, and 'odd' years are limited to campaigns with a total annual marketing communications budget of up to £2.5 million and have to be submitted by agencies, media owners and clients in the UK only.

Two things separate them from their Effie cousins above anything else, in addition to the every two years piece. Firstly, they absolutely require evidence that the activity paid back on the investement made ie fees, production and media. If the paper doesn't show this has been achieved then it will be disqualified. Secondly, the entries are far longer than the Effies: with 'even' years being limited to 4,000 words and 'odd' years being 3,000.

This year was, by all accounts, a very good year. A very high number of entries, just under seventy, and the majority of a high standard. There were about 30 industry judges who are split into two groups, each group will mark about half the papers and everyone in each group reads all the papers that are allocated to that group. Each paper is generally reckoned to take about one hour to read. The box of the papers you have to read arrives one day in a big box with a judging form and a survival pack that includes; Nurofen, Pro Plus, an energy bar, an energy and a small bottle of champagne. Very sweet. So with briefing and a day's judging I guess I notched up close to 40 hours on it. And what a privilege.

The quality of the entries was fantastically high, and very enlightening, in the main, to read. The judging day, with a group of very well informed judges, with a broad range of experience (see here for more details on the judges) was equally enlightening and great fun as well. The discussion throughout the day was extremely high and enjoyable.

A number of observations about the papers really popped. The really good ones are clear to read. Superflous adjectives grate. There needs to be more general knowledge about econometrics (so many papers have them now, over half, and we were too often hanging on our econometrics specialist's every word). It is a time consuming task to write a really good one. If you can make the paper work without economics, do it, as it will likely be easier to follow. Too many charts is as bad as too few.

A big thanks to David Golding, convenor of judges and Marie Oldham, the deputy convenor, who steered us through the day with a deft touch and from our short-listing of entries the client judges now have to decide who gets bronze, silver, gold and grand prix. I am already looking forward to the awards dinner in November.

Peter Cooper Obituary

Psychologist and pioneer of focus groups in Britain

Peter Cooper, who has died suddenly aged 73, was a psychologist who pioneered the use of the focus group in market research in the 1960s. His company, Cooper Research and Marketing, advised many large companies on consumer behaviour, helping them to understand the market in relation to leading brands.

Peter also recognised the potential of market research to empower disadvantaged groups by breaking down traditional structures in society, such as the doctor-patient relationship, and even ventured into the imbalance in equality between men and women, thus seeking to make market research an integral aspect of the democratic process. His work in the last years of his life was preoccupied with the needs of consumers caught in the recession.

Born in north London, Peter was evacuated during the second world war and, after his parents separated, he was brought up principally by his father, a professional trumpeter. In 1959, he graduated with a first-class degree in psychology from Manchester University, where he stayed on as a postgraduate to work with his mentor, John Cohen, on aspects of the psychology of risk.

A significant element of his research involved children's understanding of war and peace, based on studies carried out in Japan, Germany and the UK. His work took him to the Sorbonne, in Paris, and to the universities of Oslo and London. During this period he was also actively involved in the Workers' Educational Association.

In the mid-1960s Peter studied in France, where he was intrigued by new approaches to understanding consumerism. People would be taken away for a long weekend in order to be observed as they expressed their relationships with different brands and products. Peter recognised that equally effective results could be obtained by bringing consumers together for three-hour sessions to explore emotional, as well as practical, responses to a range of issues relating to consumerism, from product attributes to advertising, packaging and brand identity. During these "extended creativity group" sessions, respondents were asked to draw, model with clay and role-play their feelings and emotions. In time, this method was to become recognised globally as the alternative to the more narrative-centred groups that predominated in the US.

In 1963 Peter became one of the first academics to apply his research to the marketplace and, in 1966, with his then wife, Jackie French, he set up Cooper Research and Marketing (later CRAM International). In 1968, the company moved from Manchester to London where, over the next four decades, a string of major companies sought Peter's advice on consumer behaviour, among them Guinness, BMW, the Financial Times, British Airways, Persil, American Express, BP, GSK, the BBC and Nokia.

From understanding marketing techniques to helping pharmaceutical companies better understand patients' needs, Peter gave an intellectual rigour to market research. Furthermore, he was fascinated by the need to develop different techniques outside western markets. From the early 1980s, he was in the far east, introducing his methods to Japan, China and south-east Asia.

He was also acutely aware of the importance of new technologies. A fellow of the UK Market Research Society and the Royal Society of Medicine, Peter conducted pioneering work in ethnography and also on the quantification of qualitative research data, which he called QualiQuant. He wrote many papers and was active right up to his death, highlighting key issues in contemporary marketing, market research and communication.

A byproduct of Peter's love of psychology was his passion for phrenology. While he acknowledged the flawed science behind it, for him phrenological busts were things of beauty, and over the years he amassed a significant collection of phrenologica. He sought to revive interest in the subject, and in the early 1980s commissioned a limited edition of Coalport china phrenological heads.

Peter and Jackie divorced several years ago. For the past 10 years, he lived with his partner, Claudia, also a psychologist, in Gloucestershire. They were brought together not only by their interest in psychology, but also good food and fine wine. They shared their lives with two horses, two Shetland ponies, three cats and six chickens. Claudia survives him, as do his three children and five grandchildren.

• Peter Cooper, psychologist and market researcher, born 26 November 1936; died 12 February 2010

(From the Guardian Thursday 8 April 2010) Simon Patterson

LIP DUB

LIPDUBing is a combination of lip synching and audio dubbing. I hadn't come across it until John Richer, a family friend from France, sent us one, that he had directed for his college in Lyon. John, by the way, is the cool one in the shades at the beginning.

Local Wine Lingo

Almost two-thirds of us are apparently baffled by wine speak. To make vino more accessible Spar is using local dialects on its wine labels. Their Merlot with the label written in 'Scottish dialect' for example, above. And here are passages of the article in the Guardian about it:

Bewildered by talk of "blackcurrant top notes"? Baffled by "bouquets"? Unsure if "long legs" are a good thing in a glass of wine? Retailer Spar is claiming today that 64% of shoppers are intimidated by the labels on the back of wine bottles.

So what is it doing to help confused consumers get the perfect wine to complement Sunday's roast dinner? Relabelling the bottles with plain English versions? Offering definitions of common terms to buyers? Umm, no. It is slapping on labels written in "local dialects" – and yes they are as bad as they sound.

Fortunately, just one of its wines – a £4.99 Merlot – is getting the treatment. The descriptions have been "translated" into eight different local dialects, including geordie, Brummie and scouse.

Geordie wine label: 'A canny Merlot ableeze wi succulent blackcurrants'. So instead of a straightforward plain English description of what you might find when you pour yourself a glass, if you are in Somerset you get this: "Alright my luvver, eers one helluva Merlot. Be stinkin hummin a sivvies thar be bleddy ansome wi yaw croust or oggy. Purfect ta share wi yaw pardy as i' aiin ta eavy. Mygar be a purdy wine! Churs!"

While in Liverpool you are promised: "A totally boss bottle of Merlot which smells o' blackberry, choccie, a brew and toffees. Juicy and complex like, this bevey is top wi most scran 'specially me ma's scouse. Tellin ye, this is deffo a bevey that will leave youz and youz mates made up over yez Sayers pastie."

As well as being borderline unintelligible, the descriptions also include what might be considered baffling wine-speak, albeit with a regional accent. In Newcastle consumers are told the wine has "legs leik a thoroughbred", while in Scotland the label describes "a youngane's colour wi cherries an black fruit on the nose" – if you can't understand that in English, is it really any clearer now?

A spokeswoman for Spar denies the labels are patronising. "Local shopkeepers and suppliers came up with the dialect – it's not come from central office or from a computer," she insists. "We know that people don't really talk like this – we just wanted to make wine buying accessible and fun." She says the wine is genuinely on sale at 50 stores and could be rolled out if the reaction is favourable.

Spar's wine controller, Laura Jewell, adds: "Ultimately our wines will speak for themselves, but in the meantime it's time to speak people's language." Let's hope they don't have too many bottles in the cellar.

This is not the first time a company has tried to harness local accents to attract attention – earlier this year, ATM provider Bank Machine launched cockney cash machines.Fingers crossed it's the last.

I think it rather amusing, and ironic that impenetrable wine lingo has been replaced with impenetrable dialect speak (which I am not sure is for writing anyway!).